10 things they fail to tell you about pregnancy

A couple of my friends helped me compile this list…those who know me will know exactly which ones I added into the mix haha!

For those of you with a weak disposition (or those who have a shred of respect for me!) just stop reading. Swerve this post!

Your labia swell. And can turn purple. It is not pretty

There’s a lot of blood being directed down to your uterus towards the latter stages of pregnancy, hence the swelling. Don’t be alarmed as I was…it is perfectly normal! Just stay away from the tight fitting trousers for now. Camel toe is not a good look.

It’s a given that your boobs will enlarge…but your nipples will become huge and turn darker!

This is something to do with nature…and the amount of melanin that the body is producing. Someone once told me it was because the baby cannot see very well following birth…but can see a huge nipple. Not sure how true that is!

You’re more likely to go au naturel

I’m referring to the lady garden here. You get to a stage where you just can’t see it and what is out of sight is usually out of mind…until you catch yourself in the mirror and wonder when the 1970’s came back into fashion.

Which leads me onto a follow on point…

Your husband/partner will surprise you with what he will do for you because you are pregnant with his child (I hope this is not just me!) Recently Kris has become a bush trimming extraordinaire! Yes, I know…get a wax instead woman!

Discharge

I know a few people who think that this is one of the worst words in the English language, which makes it all the funnier!

Towards the end of pregnancy you will notice a lot more leaking going on down there. Don’t worry though, it’s not your amniotic fluid leaking – more blood to that area increases that fluid too. Fun stuff.

Feeling unfit

Specifically walking up the stairs. Bending down to pick things off the floor. Sorting washing. Pushing a trolley. Good god. I mean, I’m not that fit anyway but I cannot imagine feeling like this normally.

Constipation

All down to the hormone progesterone’s fault. It makes movements sluggish. You never feel satisfied. You drink gallons of lactulose.

You need the loo every 5 minutes…or it feels like that!

You will probably be running to the toilet more frequently due to the extra pressure on your bladder and your increased consumption of water (which is something that I need to work on). The worst time is at night. All you want is sleep but this is broken by your bladder. If you ignore it, you start dreaming about weeing so there is nothing else for it but to roll yourself out of bed and go to the toilet. Urgh.

Your hair grows!

This is an exciting thing for me second time round because a lot of hair fell out post birth with Cecily (more on that coming soon).

However, a few of my friends have reported that they grow more hair elsewhere on their body!!! Such as their upper lip, their chin, their nipples and on their lower tummy. Eek!

Hormones

An obvious thing right? Wrong! Particularly with what these hormones do to us…I’m talking sex here people!

You don’t really want it because that is what got you into this mess in the first place…but the pesky hormones make you need it!

Varicose veins

I’m sure you’ve heard of them…unsightly bulging veins on your legs, however did you realise that you can get them elsewhere…such as DOWN THERE?!? All due to the pressure and weight down there that is only going to get worse.

A friend (ahem) has been assured that they will disappear after birth. Fingers and toes crossed. Actually, just cross everything.

Massaging your perineum

Yes, ok. I said ten things they fail to tell you about pregnancy but this was too horrific not to put into the list.

You know what the perineum is right?

Well apparently you are supposed to start massaging it around 36 weeks because it helps to stretch that area ready for childbirth. I first learned of this in my hypnobirthing class in 2014.

Imagine my horrified face when the midwife explained what it was and then said that you can ask your partner to help (ok, understandable because it’s pretty difficult to do anything down there yourself at that stage), or YOUR MOTHER, SISTER OR FRIEND! Why? Just why?? Not too sure whether anyone took them up on that suggestion either ha!

So that is my lowdown on what they fail to tell you. Yes, there are those lucky women out there who have the perfect pregnancy (I wish a devil child on them when they talk about how amazing they feel!) so don’t take any of this as gospel…I’m sure I have missed so many other things but me and my friends were just drawing on our own experiences.

Let me know if you have any different ones!!!

x